On my way to find myself again,
flexibility dying under the strain.
I'll keep on dancing in the rain,
and find my way through this pain.
After all this time, i thought i had time to unwind,
thought i found my path, no reason to feel sad,
but the feeling is dead.
Going through this struggle,
no time to fail or fumble,
gotta be the winner of this rumble.
I wish you could find a way into my mind,
see behind the eyes that tried to look kind.
find your way through the maze covered in purple haze.
Feel my fears and taste my tears,
go solve my quests i gave up on in the past.
Dig down till you reach inner darkness,
swim your way through the sinner's sadness,
you'll have to go through nine levels of hardness,
to find what you seek: a bless.
bathe me in the light that you will find,
and free me from my plight.
in this journey you'll notice only the true ones remaining,
and see the fake ones be stuck in their complaining.
you might wonder what you will be gaining,
what you'll win is the respect of many men.
once you fought through the deepest pits,
you'll be renowned for showing fearless wits.
All i ask is a way out of this spiral,
and feel the joy of being a know-it-all.
Get back to the positive me,
and leave the negativity behind me.
Feel my flames turn to water,
and be as free like the latter,
being able to grind rocks with softness,
while still being as wild as a hot mess.
Making sure i dont take things for granted,
and learn to fight for the things i always wanted.
All these lines are simple written lines,
which lack the punch to even be seen as signs,
rather, learn to read through the words,
and listen to it like it should be heard.
dinsdag 9 november 2010
zaterdag 6 november 2010
woensdag 27 oktober 2010
woensdag 13 oktober 2010
Life
This is the inevitable conclusion that came from a suppressable delusion.
Back in the day, chilling on the streets with ya friends, fuck about, and start runnin' for the police.
Then all of a sudden you get caught for being sought.
Now you're stuck in the cell, trying to break free from your shell, and hoping for some reasonable bail.
Thinking about what's been done, lingering for the taste of freedom.
Now your wish got fulfilled and you're back in your house, trying to evade the thrill and working it out with your spouse.
Cryin', contemplating the past, tying, for affiliates that last, lyin', to the rats that pass.
See through the eyes which been through the lies, come and live up to the advice of the wise.
Now your homies come with a plan of action, and you know you can't let them down, son.
You wonder why you can't resist the tempation, and why you would never hesitate to bang along.
Now you're playing with the fire again, going to put your desire upon them.
You and your homies are all roughed up, waiting for some sucker to stick up, hoping for some dough to pick up.
Cryin', contemplating the past, tying, for affiliates that last, lyin', to the rats that pass.
See through the eyes which been through the lies, come and live up to the advice of the wise.
You see some weak punk walking around. You and yo men sneak up and ask what's he about.
Within a second you pull your knife, and in the struggle you end up taking his life, immediatly, thoughts cross your mind of your wife and of the freedom you strife.
Now you got fucked up, blue came and you got locked up.
You slipped up with the stick-up and now you have to back up.
You got years to serve, no more chilling on the curve.
This is the real shit people get dealt with.
Cryin', contemplating the past, tying, for affiliates that last, lyin', to the rats that pass.
See through the eyes which been through the lies, come and live up to the advice of the wise.
Back in the day, chilling on the streets with ya friends, fuck about, and start runnin' for the police.
Then all of a sudden you get caught for being sought.
Now you're stuck in the cell, trying to break free from your shell, and hoping for some reasonable bail.
Thinking about what's been done, lingering for the taste of freedom.
Now your wish got fulfilled and you're back in your house, trying to evade the thrill and working it out with your spouse.
Cryin', contemplating the past, tying, for affiliates that last, lyin', to the rats that pass.
See through the eyes which been through the lies, come and live up to the advice of the wise.
Now your homies come with a plan of action, and you know you can't let them down, son.
You wonder why you can't resist the tempation, and why you would never hesitate to bang along.
Now you're playing with the fire again, going to put your desire upon them.
You and your homies are all roughed up, waiting for some sucker to stick up, hoping for some dough to pick up.
Cryin', contemplating the past, tying, for affiliates that last, lyin', to the rats that pass.
See through the eyes which been through the lies, come and live up to the advice of the wise.
You see some weak punk walking around. You and yo men sneak up and ask what's he about.
Within a second you pull your knife, and in the struggle you end up taking his life, immediatly, thoughts cross your mind of your wife and of the freedom you strife.
Now you got fucked up, blue came and you got locked up.
You slipped up with the stick-up and now you have to back up.
You got years to serve, no more chilling on the curve.
This is the real shit people get dealt with.
Cryin', contemplating the past, tying, for affiliates that last, lyin', to the rats that pass.
See through the eyes which been through the lies, come and live up to the advice of the wise.
zondag 10 oktober 2010
woensdag 6 oktober 2010
This is the point where i say it's enough, you're a phoney, a bluff.
I can see through your act thats all though, since your play is still a bit rough.
It's your explicit interest you came to test that recoiled back into your comatic rest.
It's the shit you spit that shows you're weak, improving the illmatic wit i speak.
Saw you walking down the street, your rhymes imply you're elite, but the reality showed you ain't nothing but a bitch.
Now you came to test the game, trying to make yourself a name, can't you see its your family name you ashame?
This is not the place for you to shine, you're just turning your dollar into a dime.
You came at me with your rhyme, acting all high but we know you're lying.
you acted like you were down with the street, but just smoking some weed doesnt make you a convict.
I even tried some on your bitch, she even proved to be a snitch, she begged me to please her, since you couldnt even tease her, called her off, maybe i got soft, but such a bitch doesn't get my dick aloft.
You went on at how you were jail connected, throughout respected for the things you went at.
But kid, you're just a streetsoldier, you ain't in my leagua, it's overestimation that holds ya.
I got into my physical form from the day i got lyrically born, did you just really think you wouldn't get torn?
Now i see you down on your knees, screaming out your terrible pleas, nobody will hear you, bitch please!
Now i dare you coming back at me, with that sorry way you came to be.
Come and face your execution, you know it's your only solution.
you got smacked to the floor, now go bitch, walk out that door.
I can see through your act thats all though, since your play is still a bit rough.
It's your explicit interest you came to test that recoiled back into your comatic rest.
It's the shit you spit that shows you're weak, improving the illmatic wit i speak.
Saw you walking down the street, your rhymes imply you're elite, but the reality showed you ain't nothing but a bitch.
Now you came to test the game, trying to make yourself a name, can't you see its your family name you ashame?
This is not the place for you to shine, you're just turning your dollar into a dime.
You came at me with your rhyme, acting all high but we know you're lying.
you acted like you were down with the street, but just smoking some weed doesnt make you a convict.
I even tried some on your bitch, she even proved to be a snitch, she begged me to please her, since you couldnt even tease her, called her off, maybe i got soft, but such a bitch doesn't get my dick aloft.
You went on at how you were jail connected, throughout respected for the things you went at.
But kid, you're just a streetsoldier, you ain't in my leagua, it's overestimation that holds ya.
I got into my physical form from the day i got lyrically born, did you just really think you wouldn't get torn?
Now i see you down on your knees, screaming out your terrible pleas, nobody will hear you, bitch please!
Now i dare you coming back at me, with that sorry way you came to be.
Come and face your execution, you know it's your only solution.
you got smacked to the floor, now go bitch, walk out that door.
maandag 4 oktober 2010
Titelloos
I'd rather see you incinerate in hell, then to bid you a fair farewell.
You'll feel the pain of being stuck in a cell, you'll be rotten in my selfmade shell.
You can't comprehend my hate, the raging state i'm in as of late.
No friend no mate, clock is ticking, we can't wait, oh no, no longer, for this feeling's getting stronger.
Feeling the heath of the fury in my veins, it'll lure you into my range, to experience the pain of my reign, Click clack blow, there is no stopping now.
The night is filled with tears, you will face your fears, nobody near to hear your plea.
I can see you're trying to flee, try to reach for what is near.
Knocking you down the floor, body's getting sore, infinite pain to explore.
Figuring explicit interest, plunging you into lucid rest, this is your truest test.
you be facing the best, no chance you stand as last.
I'll prove to be superior, feel the terror of tearing you, no, i won't be sparing you.
You'll be my test subject, you can't object, you're trapped, it's a fact, nowhere to run, you will be outdone.
You thought you won, but i end on top, i won't stop, i can't, this is no strife rant, this is the end of your lifespan. Go and run than, check how far the legs can.
The dominant, it's you i want, sickly persistant, check the last victim.
Tried escaping the clutches, tried mingling with bunches, fate brought him back to my state, to my hands, into his stance, through his dance, in coma he went.
Never woke up, got choked up, pillow over his mouth, no resistance i found.
See, your future isn't bright, no savior in sight, sick of your plight, yet this feels right.
This is what you deserve, attacked from the curve, to steal the dignity you learned with the idiocracy you earned.
Now this is your demise, you rat i despise, this is how i rise when i'm cold as ice.
Feel your end drawing near, you can't flee anywhere, i'll be waiting here, might be rude to stare, since you feel my glare, i'm aware is fury i wear, but i'll see you go there, down into the abyss you fear.
You'll feel the pain of being stuck in a cell, you'll be rotten in my selfmade shell.
You can't comprehend my hate, the raging state i'm in as of late.
No friend no mate, clock is ticking, we can't wait, oh no, no longer, for this feeling's getting stronger.
Feeling the heath of the fury in my veins, it'll lure you into my range, to experience the pain of my reign, Click clack blow, there is no stopping now.
The night is filled with tears, you will face your fears, nobody near to hear your plea.
I can see you're trying to flee, try to reach for what is near.
Knocking you down the floor, body's getting sore, infinite pain to explore.
Figuring explicit interest, plunging you into lucid rest, this is your truest test.
you be facing the best, no chance you stand as last.
I'll prove to be superior, feel the terror of tearing you, no, i won't be sparing you.
You'll be my test subject, you can't object, you're trapped, it's a fact, nowhere to run, you will be outdone.
You thought you won, but i end on top, i won't stop, i can't, this is no strife rant, this is the end of your lifespan. Go and run than, check how far the legs can.
The dominant, it's you i want, sickly persistant, check the last victim.
Tried escaping the clutches, tried mingling with bunches, fate brought him back to my state, to my hands, into his stance, through his dance, in coma he went.
Never woke up, got choked up, pillow over his mouth, no resistance i found.
See, your future isn't bright, no savior in sight, sick of your plight, yet this feels right.
This is what you deserve, attacked from the curve, to steal the dignity you learned with the idiocracy you earned.
Now this is your demise, you rat i despise, this is how i rise when i'm cold as ice.
Feel your end drawing near, you can't flee anywhere, i'll be waiting here, might be rude to stare, since you feel my glare, i'm aware is fury i wear, but i'll see you go there, down into the abyss you fear.
dinsdag 28 september 2010
base design tattoo d.n.r.
At the temple, there is a poem called "Loss", carved into the stone. It has three words...but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read "Loss"... Only feel it.
existence
I do not exist, yet i am.
Imagine me as a lucid sphere
got it?
now, paint a face on it
is that my face?!
Now, you have a model of me
Now shake it
Listen to it
as you notice, it makes no sound
Like me
No response
no reaction to incoming actions
But is this all?
Imagine deeper
shake the sphere once more
still no sound?
maybe there is more to be noticed then just sound
whats in the sphere?
is that air?
yes it is!
Well, air is something too
you might not see, feel or hear it
it doesn't mean it's not there
so there you go
thinking i don't exist
i do exist
your senses are just not developed enough to sense me
you are basic
but dont worry
in time
you will know as little as me.
Imagine me as a lucid sphere
got it?
now, paint a face on it
is that my face?!
Now, you have a model of me
Now shake it
Listen to it
as you notice, it makes no sound
Like me
No response
no reaction to incoming actions
But is this all?
Imagine deeper
shake the sphere once more
still no sound?
maybe there is more to be noticed then just sound
whats in the sphere?
is that air?
yes it is!
Well, air is something too
you might not see, feel or hear it
it doesn't mean it's not there
so there you go
thinking i don't exist
i do exist
your senses are just not developed enough to sense me
you are basic
but dont worry
in time
you will know as little as me.
zaterdag 25 september 2010
zondag 19 september 2010
dinsdag 14 september 2010
zondag 12 september 2010
vrijdag 10 september 2010
donderdag 9 september 2010
:)
I don't have to leave anymore
What I have is right here
Spend my nights and days before
Searching the world for what's right here
Underneath and unexplored
Islands and cities I have looked
Here I saw
Something I couldn't over look
I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore
See what I've done
That bridge is on fire
Going back to where I've been
I'm froze by desire
No need to leave
Where would I be
IF this were to go under
It's a risk I'd take
I'm froze by desire
As if a choice I'd make
I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore
So now I'll never explore
What I have is right here
Spend my nights and days before
Searching the world for what's right here
Underneath and unexplored
Islands and cities I have looked
Here I saw
Something I couldn't over look
I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore
See what I've done
That bridge is on fire
Going back to where I've been
I'm froze by desire
No need to leave
Where would I be
IF this were to go under
It's a risk I'd take
I'm froze by desire
As if a choice I'd make
I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore
So now I'll never explore
maandag 6 september 2010
You are my dad.
When I was a kid,
I looked up to you
I thought you were a great example.
Then came up a different side to yourself
What I thought was my role model, was actually something else.
Faith started drifting away
like a golden leaf flowing down stream.
I pondered about myself, but mostly about you.
Where did that true fatherly figure that I looked up at dissipate to?
Things started to fall apart
I wondered where my life was taking me
Time goes by like people on a busy street
It never stops moving, everyone keeps on going.
I learned to keep on going on... moving on...
Memories flow gently as a song
Good and bad
Over time I may have seen the light
I am willing to build up the trust once again...
I forgive you for your mistakes...
Nobody's perfect... as we are all humans.
It is the imperfections that make life worthwhile.
When I was a kid,
I looked up to you
I thought you were a great example.
Then came up a different side to yourself
What I thought was my role model, was actually something else.
Faith started drifting away
like a golden leaf flowing down stream.
I pondered about myself, but mostly about you.
Where did that true fatherly figure that I looked up at dissipate to?
Things started to fall apart
I wondered where my life was taking me
Time goes by like people on a busy street
It never stops moving, everyone keeps on going.
I learned to keep on going on... moving on...
Memories flow gently as a song
Good and bad
Over time I may have seen the light
I am willing to build up the trust once again...
I forgive you for your mistakes...
Nobody's perfect... as we are all humans.
It is the imperfections that make life worthwhile.
vrijdag 3 september 2010
zaterdag 28 augustus 2010
Now as I stand here, a man here
Not a perfect one, but a searching one
Seek in another, blazing time
Sound crazy but I'm actually tryin to escape my mind
Tryna erase in time
but hoping that you didn't notice
When i was at my lowest
Although I knew they was watching, I couldn't stop it
So many things I wanted to accomplish
Too many dreams, wasted with no promise
From out the darkness I struggle to see the light
Rumble deep in the night
Hustlin with all of my might here
Some won't see it that way
But us is given praise
But all of them will prayin'
That I did it my way
In the event of my demise
when my heart can beat no more
I hope I die for a princeple
Or a belief that I have lived for
I will die before my time
Beacause I feel the shadow's depth
So much I wanted to acomplish
Before I reached my death
I have come to grips with the possibility
And wiped the last tear from my eyes
I loved all who were positive
In the event of my demise
Not a perfect one, but a searching one
Seek in another, blazing time
Sound crazy but I'm actually tryin to escape my mind
Tryna erase in time
but hoping that you didn't notice
When i was at my lowest
Although I knew they was watching, I couldn't stop it
So many things I wanted to accomplish
Too many dreams, wasted with no promise
From out the darkness I struggle to see the light
Rumble deep in the night
Hustlin with all of my might here
Some won't see it that way
But us is given praise
But all of them will prayin'
That I did it my way
In the event of my demise
when my heart can beat no more
I hope I die for a princeple
Or a belief that I have lived for
I will die before my time
Beacause I feel the shadow's depth
So much I wanted to acomplish
Before I reached my death
I have come to grips with the possibility
And wiped the last tear from my eyes
I loved all who were positive
In the event of my demise
donderdag 26 augustus 2010
zondag 22 augustus 2010
vrijdag 20 augustus 2010
When the music chances, so does the dance.
Why always follow your own plans, why not break all your rules, throw away your principles, lock down your inner voice, go out of your mind, live life like youve never lived it, do all that you never thought was possible, explore, go nuts, and after that, decide what happiness is.
No person can live without a proper vent, and anything can be a vent, aslong as you can put all your frustrations, insanity and excessive energy into it.
Go get exhausted, get totally worn down, so you feel alive, break yourself apart, build yourself up, break it down again, you cant make a person without trial and error, not even yourself.
so go trial, and go error, go fail, fall, and crawl back up, cause in the end, goddamn it's all worth it. You might even live a shorter life, might not grow as old as some want you to be, but it's your life, and a life needs to be lived, not to be taken as a glass ball, which must never be damaged or dropped. o no, drop it a lot of times, smash it into the ground, get back the pieces, and make something else, be creative, be yourself, and never let anyone get you down.
Do only what you want to do, you don't have to listen to other people's rambling, let them talk, let them think, cause your life is about you, and no other. Do what makes you happy, what makes you smile, make yourself happy, and try to get some others to hop along while you're at it.
Cause it doesn't matter how many times you fall, remember that you can always get yourself back up, no matter how steep the cliff, or how deep the fall, push yourself to do the unimaginable, the unthinkable, be original, go be you!
Don't ever talk yourself out of something, don't talk yourself down, go talk yourself up instead, get some confidence, be happy with who you are, cause you are one of a kind, and only you know who you are.
So live, enjoy, smile and go nuts.
Make your life worth living.
''Cause when the music chances, so does the dance.''
No person can live without a proper vent, and anything can be a vent, aslong as you can put all your frustrations, insanity and excessive energy into it.
Go get exhausted, get totally worn down, so you feel alive, break yourself apart, build yourself up, break it down again, you cant make a person without trial and error, not even yourself.
so go trial, and go error, go fail, fall, and crawl back up, cause in the end, goddamn it's all worth it. You might even live a shorter life, might not grow as old as some want you to be, but it's your life, and a life needs to be lived, not to be taken as a glass ball, which must never be damaged or dropped. o no, drop it a lot of times, smash it into the ground, get back the pieces, and make something else, be creative, be yourself, and never let anyone get you down.
Do only what you want to do, you don't have to listen to other people's rambling, let them talk, let them think, cause your life is about you, and no other. Do what makes you happy, what makes you smile, make yourself happy, and try to get some others to hop along while you're at it.
Cause it doesn't matter how many times you fall, remember that you can always get yourself back up, no matter how steep the cliff, or how deep the fall, push yourself to do the unimaginable, the unthinkable, be original, go be you!
Don't ever talk yourself out of something, don't talk yourself down, go talk yourself up instead, get some confidence, be happy with who you are, cause you are one of a kind, and only you know who you are.
So live, enjoy, smile and go nuts.
Make your life worth living.
''Cause when the music chances, so does the dance.''
dinsdag 10 augustus 2010
Genghis Khan
''I am the punishment of God,
if you had not commited great sins,
God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.''
if you had not commited great sins,
God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.''
zaterdag 7 augustus 2010
woensdag 21 juli 2010
Lief zwart gat
Neem me zachtjes mee van hier
Tot mijn handen niet langer
de randen van het gat omklemmen
maar loslaten en laten gaan
van alles dat ik ben en was
En ooit zal kunnen zijn
Lief zwart gat
Maak mijn pijn en zorgen groter
tot ze realiteit ontduiken
Luid razen in de storm
van mijn duistere gedachten
Tot ik mijn hoofd laat rusten
in het donker van mijn hart
Neem me zachtjes mee van hier
Tot mijn handen niet langer
de randen van het gat omklemmen
maar loslaten en laten gaan
van alles dat ik ben en was
En ooit zal kunnen zijn
Lief zwart gat
Maak mijn pijn en zorgen groter
tot ze realiteit ontduiken
Luid razen in de storm
van mijn duistere gedachten
Tot ik mijn hoofd laat rusten
in het donker van mijn hart
woensdag 14 juli 2010
''So if the solution has never been to look in yourself
How is it that you expect to find it anywhere else''
These are my last words, I'm having difficultly breathing
Dying on the inside, internally bleeding
Angel of death dragging me away while I'm sleeping
Watching my world crumble in front of me, searching for meaning
How is it that you expect to find it anywhere else''
These are my last words, I'm having difficultly breathing
Dying on the inside, internally bleeding
Angel of death dragging me away while I'm sleeping
Watching my world crumble in front of me, searching for meaning
woensdag 30 juni 2010
1..2...3...
See him walking around,
no one he ever gave a fuck about
karma got him down on his knees,
not hearing a thing but his pleas
thinking about the past,
24/7 remenising, how long could it last,
always agrevated by the things surrounding him
never miss a dodge, so nobody could come bouncing in
seeing the people around him finding smiles,
while he is only losing lives
walking around the burden
resisting the dark that's lurkin
crippled by all the lies,
flashing faces of all he despise
lurking, waiting for the chance,
always wanting the dance
remember the ruins that last
contemplating the whole past,
hearing the screams of the lives he sacrificed,
vigilant for the odds on the dice,
carefull for the slip to get sliced
never lost his cool nor his control,
never crumbled under the toll
knowing the risks like no other
no consequence that he could bother
step by step slowly, despising the lowly
never missed a situation,
never agreed with the television
hating the corruption
hating the men looking down
always finding reasons to frown
all he did was walking alone
never trusted the hand that fed him
strolling with the thoughts to lit them
tired of all the ingorance surrounding
only broken wills he was counting
tired of being kicked to the ground
willing to give the crack to the bone
ripping the flesh of the sinners
tearing the hearts out of winners
you always knew you wanted to get to know him,
disliked what you learned and decided to blow him
no one he ever gave a fuck about
karma got him down on his knees,
not hearing a thing but his pleas
thinking about the past,
24/7 remenising, how long could it last,
always agrevated by the things surrounding him
never miss a dodge, so nobody could come bouncing in
seeing the people around him finding smiles,
while he is only losing lives
walking around the burden
resisting the dark that's lurkin
crippled by all the lies,
flashing faces of all he despise
lurking, waiting for the chance,
always wanting the dance
remember the ruins that last
contemplating the whole past,
hearing the screams of the lives he sacrificed,
vigilant for the odds on the dice,
carefull for the slip to get sliced
never lost his cool nor his control,
never crumbled under the toll
knowing the risks like no other
no consequence that he could bother
step by step slowly, despising the lowly
never missed a situation,
never agreed with the television
hating the corruption
hating the men looking down
always finding reasons to frown
all he did was walking alone
never trusted the hand that fed him
strolling with the thoughts to lit them
tired of all the ingorance surrounding
only broken wills he was counting
tired of being kicked to the ground
willing to give the crack to the bone
ripping the flesh of the sinners
tearing the hearts out of winners
you always knew you wanted to get to know him,
disliked what you learned and decided to blow him
dinsdag 29 juni 2010
shit
You disgust me,
i'll choke your friends in front of you,
to prove you're falling off,
i'll take everything you ever loved,
Make it appear like it never moved,
i'd cut your throat and write my name with your blood
i'll keep your body rotting in your hood
i'll disembowl your body, devour your soul
remember, im just here for the gold
not here to show mercy or love
cause the hate i feel is what made the heart move
i'd cut out your brain, dishonour your body
just to prove, that nobody ever got me
you showed me disrespect, and that's what it is about,
wouldn't be doing this, but you spoke it out loud
thinking you could walk away from me like that
acting all high, walking your walk
doing your talk, forgetting the thought
it is just you to blame, never ignite my flame
wished you would be smart, but you taunted me
now i showed you, now you'll be haunted by me
you're laying dead on the floor,
nobody that cares about the whore,
not even the crows dare taste you
never thought you could ever be this wastefull
never expected for you to turn out like this
never wanted for me to use my wits
this is all there is to it
thinking there is a way out, how would you even do it.
Smoking till my eyes bleed, cause dancing with the devil made me give in to my greed.
i'll choke your friends in front of you,
to prove you're falling off,
i'll take everything you ever loved,
Make it appear like it never moved,
i'd cut your throat and write my name with your blood
i'll keep your body rotting in your hood
i'll disembowl your body, devour your soul
remember, im just here for the gold
not here to show mercy or love
cause the hate i feel is what made the heart move
i'd cut out your brain, dishonour your body
just to prove, that nobody ever got me
you showed me disrespect, and that's what it is about,
wouldn't be doing this, but you spoke it out loud
thinking you could walk away from me like that
acting all high, walking your walk
doing your talk, forgetting the thought
it is just you to blame, never ignite my flame
wished you would be smart, but you taunted me
now i showed you, now you'll be haunted by me
you're laying dead on the floor,
nobody that cares about the whore,
not even the crows dare taste you
never thought you could ever be this wastefull
never expected for you to turn out like this
never wanted for me to use my wits
this is all there is to it
thinking there is a way out, how would you even do it.
Smoking till my eyes bleed, cause dancing with the devil made me give in to my greed.
zondag 27 juni 2010
zondag 20 juni 2010
donderdag 17 juni 2010
dinsdag 15 juni 2010
maandag 14 juni 2010
the most beautfull bird
Imagine yourself the most beautifull bird you've ever witnessed, with colors never seen before, never there was a thing more beautifull and free then that one bird.
I was trying to keep the bird caged in, for i am greedy, and i wasn't able to share the world this beautifull bird, and let others enjoy it's beauty and sweetness.
No, i wanted it all for myself, i wanted it caged, and it's eyes only pinned on me, and no one or nothing else.
But i see, that greed has ruined me..
So, it is time to let the bird free, open the cage, open the window, and let it fly, without it ever feeling the need to look back, cause i know, this bird will have a better future without me, since this bird, yes, this stunningly beautifull bird, must be kept free, free without regrets.
And i'll be left weeping, regretting my choices, but even so, i still know it was the right one, i'll miss this bird lots, but otherwise, the world will miss the most beautifull bird ever witnessed, and i'd rather feel sorrow then guilt.
I was trying to keep the bird caged in, for i am greedy, and i wasn't able to share the world this beautifull bird, and let others enjoy it's beauty and sweetness.
No, i wanted it all for myself, i wanted it caged, and it's eyes only pinned on me, and no one or nothing else.
But i see, that greed has ruined me..
So, it is time to let the bird free, open the cage, open the window, and let it fly, without it ever feeling the need to look back, cause i know, this bird will have a better future without me, since this bird, yes, this stunningly beautifull bird, must be kept free, free without regrets.
And i'll be left weeping, regretting my choices, but even so, i still know it was the right one, i'll miss this bird lots, but otherwise, the world will miss the most beautifull bird ever witnessed, and i'd rather feel sorrow then guilt.
Em
We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn’t much
But it’s enough to make me wonder what’s in store for us
It’s lust, it’s torturous, you must be a sorceress, cuz you just
Did the impossible; gained my trust, don’t play games it’ll be dangerous
If you fuck me over, cuz if I get burnt
Ima show you what it’s like to hurt
Cuz I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evil, spell it backwards I’ll show ya (EVOL)
Nobody knows me, I’m cold, walk down this road all alone
It’s no one’s fault but my own. it’s the path I’ve chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don’t ask me why I have love for these mo’fuckin’ hoes
Blood suckin’ succubus, what the fuck is up with this
I’ve tried in this department but I ain’t have no luck with this
It sucks, but it’s exactly what I thought it would be like tryna start over
I got a hole in my heart, some kind of emotional roller coaster
Something I won’t go on so you toy with my emotions so it’s over
It’s like an explosion, evertime I hold ya I wasn’t joking when I told ya
You take my breath away, you’re a supernova..
But it’s enough to make me wonder what’s in store for us
It’s lust, it’s torturous, you must be a sorceress, cuz you just
Did the impossible; gained my trust, don’t play games it’ll be dangerous
If you fuck me over, cuz if I get burnt
Ima show you what it’s like to hurt
Cuz I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evil, spell it backwards I’ll show ya (EVOL)
Nobody knows me, I’m cold, walk down this road all alone
It’s no one’s fault but my own. it’s the path I’ve chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don’t ask me why I have love for these mo’fuckin’ hoes
Blood suckin’ succubus, what the fuck is up with this
I’ve tried in this department but I ain’t have no luck with this
It sucks, but it’s exactly what I thought it would be like tryna start over
I got a hole in my heart, some kind of emotional roller coaster
Something I won’t go on so you toy with my emotions so it’s over
It’s like an explosion, evertime I hold ya I wasn’t joking when I told ya
You take my breath away, you’re a supernova..
Ik voel me ziek en verzwakt,
misselijk en alleen,
ik voel me niet goed meer,
en ben verre van gelukkig,
ik heb me laatste kans verloren,
en ben te ver van geluk af,
om zelfs ook nog maar te hopen,
ik voel me alleen en verlaten,
en vooral ook eenzaam,
ik zou willen dat ik alles anders kon maken,
maar ik kan niet genoeg zijn,
en ik weet niet meer wat ik moet doen,
wachten en hopen, of doorgaan en verliezen.
misselijk en alleen,
ik voel me niet goed meer,
en ben verre van gelukkig,
ik heb me laatste kans verloren,
en ben te ver van geluk af,
om zelfs ook nog maar te hopen,
ik voel me alleen en verlaten,
en vooral ook eenzaam,
ik zou willen dat ik alles anders kon maken,
maar ik kan niet genoeg zijn,
en ik weet niet meer wat ik moet doen,
wachten en hopen, of doorgaan en verliezen.
Het is grappig om te zien, hoe deur na deur sluit,
hoe zelfs de deuren met slot, zijn dichtgevallen,
het is leuk om te zien, dat ik dacht alles onder controle te hebben,
Maar het verlies van het toeval.
uiteindelijk, weet ik me toekomst toch al,
en dat zit me zo dwars,
wetend dat er niks is daar,
wetend dat ik toch verlies.
En dan vragen mensen: waarom doe je niks?
waarom zou ik ook maar iets moeten doen,
als ik toch al weet dat het nergens toe leidt.
ik zou wel goed bezig willen zijn,
maar de kennis dat ik er niet mee gelukkig kan worden, houdt me tegen.
Dus ik grijp naar de fles en verspil me leven,
en neem een slok, juist om dat te vergeten.
Ja, hoe mooi het leven had kunnen zijn,
hoe mooi ik dacht dat het zou worden,
de dingen krijgen die je hartje begeert,
tot de kennis kwam dat hier niks te begeren viel.
en hetgeen wat ik wel wil,
loopt toch alleen maar voor me uit, van me weg.
Die dromen van oud worden, eigen huis, leuke baan,
zelfs die dromen lijken al ver weg,
geen van die dingen zijn voor mij weggelegd,
want ik ga me laatste stukje tegemoet.
ja, het laatste stukje, compleet uitleven,
compleet naar de andere stemmen luisteren,
compleet terug naar waar ik was,
de wereld waarin de mensen me geen fuck konden schelen,
net zomin als het hen kan schelen,
de wereld waarin ik overzicht had,
en mezelf niet zo wanhopig voelde.
ja, die wanhoop, die heeft mij kapot gemaakt.
ik had alles graag anders gezien,
ik had me dromen willen leven,
geen nachtmerries, geen angstbeeld,
alleen me dromen.
maar ik ben dit zat,
ik heb er genoeg van,
ik wil zo niet verder.
hoe zelfs de deuren met slot, zijn dichtgevallen,
het is leuk om te zien, dat ik dacht alles onder controle te hebben,
Maar het verlies van het toeval.
uiteindelijk, weet ik me toekomst toch al,
en dat zit me zo dwars,
wetend dat er niks is daar,
wetend dat ik toch verlies.
En dan vragen mensen: waarom doe je niks?
waarom zou ik ook maar iets moeten doen,
als ik toch al weet dat het nergens toe leidt.
ik zou wel goed bezig willen zijn,
maar de kennis dat ik er niet mee gelukkig kan worden, houdt me tegen.
Dus ik grijp naar de fles en verspil me leven,
en neem een slok, juist om dat te vergeten.
Ja, hoe mooi het leven had kunnen zijn,
hoe mooi ik dacht dat het zou worden,
de dingen krijgen die je hartje begeert,
tot de kennis kwam dat hier niks te begeren viel.
en hetgeen wat ik wel wil,
loopt toch alleen maar voor me uit, van me weg.
Die dromen van oud worden, eigen huis, leuke baan,
zelfs die dromen lijken al ver weg,
geen van die dingen zijn voor mij weggelegd,
want ik ga me laatste stukje tegemoet.
ja, het laatste stukje, compleet uitleven,
compleet naar de andere stemmen luisteren,
compleet terug naar waar ik was,
de wereld waarin de mensen me geen fuck konden schelen,
net zomin als het hen kan schelen,
de wereld waarin ik overzicht had,
en mezelf niet zo wanhopig voelde.
ja, die wanhoop, die heeft mij kapot gemaakt.
ik had alles graag anders gezien,
ik had me dromen willen leven,
geen nachtmerries, geen angstbeeld,
alleen me dromen.
maar ik ben dit zat,
ik heb er genoeg van,
ik wil zo niet verder.
woensdag 9 juni 2010
Het kan me niets meer schelen dat ik alleen in het leven sta,
Zeg het me gewoon, zeg gewoon dat er niks meer is.
Haal me uit me droomwereld, me wereld die steeds uitloopt op niets.
Er zijn zoveel keuzes, en misschien is het beter als ik ga.
Ik wil zo graag weg van hier, maar het gaat met teveel gemis.
Ik ben gemaakt door wat kapot gaat, wat kapot is, en wat kapot is gegaan,
want het is zoals ze zeggen, alles kan kapot.
En als dit alles is wat er is, dan had ik het juist in me jonge jaren,
Ik ben al uitgeleefd.
Ik zoek altijd maar naar meer, en altijd wanneer ik er dichtbij ben,
verlies ik het weer, en sta ik weer alleen.
Ik ben het zat om steeds weer alles te verliezen,
het zat om er uiteindelijk weer alleen voor te staan,
iedereen waarvan ik dacht, of minstens had gehoopt, dat ik erop kon bouwen en vertrouwn,
heeft me achtergelaten, soms met goede reden, soms met slechte, en soms zonder.
Ik heb meer nodig in me leven, een iets of iemand.
die er altijd voor me is, die altijd me rug heeft,
iemand die door mij heen durft te kijken,
en durft te accepteren wat ik ben, en hoe weinig ik ben.
Iemand die altijd voor me klaarstaat,
iemand die ik altijd kan vertrouwen zonder twijfel,
zonder twijfel die wordt gegeven.
Ik wil gewoon mijn geluk kunnen vinden,
ik wil niet meer verraden worden,
ik wil niet meer verlaten worden,
ik wil geen leugens meer aanhoren,
ik wil niet over alles na hoeven te denken,
zoekend naar de waarheid door de wirwar van woorden.
Ik dacht echt dat ik me persoon had gevonden,
meerdere keren zelfs,
zelfs van degenen van wie ik het het minste verwacht,
lieten ze me vallen wanneer ik ze het hardste nodig had.
Nooit ben ik genoeg voor de mensen die genoeg zijn voor mij,
en nooit zal ik genoeg zijn,
want mensen verwachten teveel,
mensen zien te weinig, horen niks, en dromen alleen.
ik heb het gehad met de mensen,
en ik wil verder,
alleen, of als het ooit nog mogelijk is, met iemand.
ik moet weer terug naar af,
niks meer hebben, zodat ik niks kan verliezen.
ik wil geen tranen meer hoeven te laten..
ik wil glimlachen.. meer niet..
Zeg het me gewoon, zeg gewoon dat er niks meer is.
Haal me uit me droomwereld, me wereld die steeds uitloopt op niets.
Er zijn zoveel keuzes, en misschien is het beter als ik ga.
Ik wil zo graag weg van hier, maar het gaat met teveel gemis.
Ik ben gemaakt door wat kapot gaat, wat kapot is, en wat kapot is gegaan,
want het is zoals ze zeggen, alles kan kapot.
En als dit alles is wat er is, dan had ik het juist in me jonge jaren,
Ik ben al uitgeleefd.
Ik zoek altijd maar naar meer, en altijd wanneer ik er dichtbij ben,
verlies ik het weer, en sta ik weer alleen.
Ik ben het zat om steeds weer alles te verliezen,
het zat om er uiteindelijk weer alleen voor te staan,
iedereen waarvan ik dacht, of minstens had gehoopt, dat ik erop kon bouwen en vertrouwn,
heeft me achtergelaten, soms met goede reden, soms met slechte, en soms zonder.
Ik heb meer nodig in me leven, een iets of iemand.
die er altijd voor me is, die altijd me rug heeft,
iemand die door mij heen durft te kijken,
en durft te accepteren wat ik ben, en hoe weinig ik ben.
Iemand die altijd voor me klaarstaat,
iemand die ik altijd kan vertrouwen zonder twijfel,
zonder twijfel die wordt gegeven.
Ik wil gewoon mijn geluk kunnen vinden,
ik wil niet meer verraden worden,
ik wil niet meer verlaten worden,
ik wil geen leugens meer aanhoren,
ik wil niet over alles na hoeven te denken,
zoekend naar de waarheid door de wirwar van woorden.
Ik dacht echt dat ik me persoon had gevonden,
meerdere keren zelfs,
zelfs van degenen van wie ik het het minste verwacht,
lieten ze me vallen wanneer ik ze het hardste nodig had.
Nooit ben ik genoeg voor de mensen die genoeg zijn voor mij,
en nooit zal ik genoeg zijn,
want mensen verwachten teveel,
mensen zien te weinig, horen niks, en dromen alleen.
ik heb het gehad met de mensen,
en ik wil verder,
alleen, of als het ooit nog mogelijk is, met iemand.
ik moet weer terug naar af,
niks meer hebben, zodat ik niks kan verliezen.
ik wil geen tranen meer hoeven te laten..
ik wil glimlachen.. meer niet..
dinsdag 8 juni 2010
Ik sluit me ogen en doe net of alles gelogen is,
Maar zodra ik ze weer open doe besef ik dat het echt over is,
Heb zoveel teksten voor je liggen maar wist je dat ik bang ben om te falen
Omdat je me niet meer ziet zitten,
Maar ik mis je ik voel de stilte en hoor het tikken van de klok
Als ik me tranen niet kan drogen maar liever heb dat het stopt
Maar zodra ik ze weer open doe besef ik dat het echt over is,
Heb zoveel teksten voor je liggen maar wist je dat ik bang ben om te falen
Omdat je me niet meer ziet zitten,
Maar ik mis je ik voel de stilte en hoor het tikken van de klok
Als ik me tranen niet kan drogen maar liever heb dat het stopt
zondag 6 juni 2010
dinsdag 1 juni 2010
''You got played, son''
''Yeah,i know... again..''
''Cheer up kid, honesty will find you''
''That's what I've been telling myself all along, but only lies claim my path''
''Then pray this is your worst time ever, since then, it'll only get better''
''Guess you're right, farewell people''
''And well.. you could always come play with me''
''With so many lives at stake? No, that would be too great of a risk.''
''But it's playtime already, it's been too long, or did you lose your touch..?''
''It has been long indeed, and i'll never lose my touch,but i must admit, i'd have to get back in shape though.''
''Yeah,i know... again..''
''Cheer up kid, honesty will find you''
''That's what I've been telling myself all along, but only lies claim my path''
''Then pray this is your worst time ever, since then, it'll only get better''
''Guess you're right, farewell people''
''And well.. you could always come play with me''
''With so many lives at stake? No, that would be too great of a risk.''
''But it's playtime already, it's been too long, or did you lose your touch..?''
''It has been long indeed, and i'll never lose my touch,but i must admit, i'd have to get back in shape though.''
maandag 31 mei 2010
yeah, fuck that
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
last few words, atleast i made m count i guess..
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
last few words, atleast i made m count i guess..
vrijdag 28 mei 2010
Remember what you said when you were praying.
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
maandag 24 mei 2010
zondag 23 mei 2010
..........................
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
fuck this shit
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
fuck this shit
vrijdag 21 mei 2010
woensdag 19 mei 2010
dinsdag 18 mei 2010
Lost
Completely lost in a spiral of lies and thoughts..
Finally caught the truth, and let it slip, the truth isn't what i thought it'd be, or atleast, not as i hoped.
This is just too much... I need some way out..
Finally caught the truth, and let it slip, the truth isn't what i thought it'd be, or atleast, not as i hoped.
This is just too much... I need some way out..
maandag 17 mei 2010
tot zo
Valt me nu al vele malen zwaarder dan waar ik op had gehoopt.
dit is echt tijden vechten tegen me wil..
eventjes maar..
tot straks.
dit is echt tijden vechten tegen me wil..
eventjes maar..
tot straks.
zaterdag 15 mei 2010
2pac
Perhaps i was blind to the facts
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
stabbed in the back.
I couldnt trust my own hopes,
just a bunch of dirty facts.
vrijdag 14 mei 2010
Truth
Slow down, Lie down,
Remember it's just you and me.
Don't sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be.
I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight
Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me
Oh, I've found, that I'm bound
To wander down that one way road.
And I realise all about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before.
I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight
Oh, baby, baby, baby,
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?
Remember it's just you and me.
Don't sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be.
I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight
Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me
Oh, I've found, that I'm bound
To wander down that one way road.
And I realise all about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before.
I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight
Oh, baby, baby, baby,
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?
donderdag 13 mei 2010
dinsdag 11 mei 2010
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
zaterdag 8 mei 2010
fuck
Hard to wake up, mind's full of demons, i don't want to hear them anymore.
Hear the screams of the lives you sacrificed, i'm coming back to take everything you owe.
Hear the screams of the lives you sacrificed, i'm coming back to take everything you owe.
vrijdag 7 mei 2010
Donker maar ook duister
Laat me zeggen wat je voelt en wat je voelt is steeds hetzelfde
Haat doe ik met liefde, een ziekte of iets ergers.
Ergens op een plek zitten dingen je dwars, wat je soms niet in bedwang kan houden, maar je lacht
iedere dag streef je naar een betere stad, om te nemen en te eten waar je vroeger aan dacht.
hoogopgeleid, maar je bent echt verre van dat, ongediplomeerd, maar je bent echt betere dan dat.
je bent muzikaal gericht en in gesteld op wat je voelt, wat je bedoelt, je hebt een doel voor ogen het is iets wat je voelt.
al je gevoelens openbaar, je bent niet groter dan een ander, want ook jij leeft je leven tussen vrouwen en mannen.
Deel je verdriet met mij en steun op mijn schouders, lucht je schouders, op mij kan je bouwen,
als je niemand om je heen hebt bij de keuzes die je maakt, neem ik de verantwoording, ik zal er voor je staan.
Pogingen tot zelfmoord, wat leidt tot niks, naderhand is alles anders, wat het feit ook is. een ander perspectief, kijk hoe dierbaar je leven is, wordt wakker en besef dat de pijn maar voor even is.
En ook al verkondig je, dat je zondag in de kerk zit, om je zonden op te biechten, vergeef me, ik voel de fouten die je hebt gemaakt, het doet je zeer als je er alleen voor staat en niks meer te verliezen hebt.
je gedachtes zijn leeg, dus ook niks meer te bieden, het is donker maar ook duister als je denkt dat je triester bent.
niemand die je back-up geeft, of zwaarder spaced in een eigen wereld, waar niemand je liefde geeft.
het lijkt of niemand om je geeft, maar dat is niet zo, en niemand die het met je meent, maar bij mij vind je de troost.
niet iedereen is trouw, en het leven is klote, ontwaak uit je nachtmerrie, open nu je ogen.
******************************************************************************
In het donker is het eveneens duister om je heen, maar probeer het licht te zien want je bent niet alleen, het is nog niet donker en het wordt alweer licht, en voor iedereen is er een toekomst in zicht.
Ik ben ik, ik heb makkelijk praten, ja dat denk je, ook ik heb dit allemaal al meegemaakt.
het is zolang niet donker en het wordt alweer licht, grijp al je kansen, hoe diep je er ook inzit.
Haat doe ik met liefde, een ziekte of iets ergers.
Ergens op een plek zitten dingen je dwars, wat je soms niet in bedwang kan houden, maar je lacht
iedere dag streef je naar een betere stad, om te nemen en te eten waar je vroeger aan dacht.
hoogopgeleid, maar je bent echt verre van dat, ongediplomeerd, maar je bent echt betere dan dat.
je bent muzikaal gericht en in gesteld op wat je voelt, wat je bedoelt, je hebt een doel voor ogen het is iets wat je voelt.
al je gevoelens openbaar, je bent niet groter dan een ander, want ook jij leeft je leven tussen vrouwen en mannen.
Deel je verdriet met mij en steun op mijn schouders, lucht je schouders, op mij kan je bouwen,
als je niemand om je heen hebt bij de keuzes die je maakt, neem ik de verantwoording, ik zal er voor je staan.
Pogingen tot zelfmoord, wat leidt tot niks, naderhand is alles anders, wat het feit ook is. een ander perspectief, kijk hoe dierbaar je leven is, wordt wakker en besef dat de pijn maar voor even is.
En ook al verkondig je, dat je zondag in de kerk zit, om je zonden op te biechten, vergeef me, ik voel de fouten die je hebt gemaakt, het doet je zeer als je er alleen voor staat en niks meer te verliezen hebt.
je gedachtes zijn leeg, dus ook niks meer te bieden, het is donker maar ook duister als je denkt dat je triester bent.
niemand die je back-up geeft, of zwaarder spaced in een eigen wereld, waar niemand je liefde geeft.
het lijkt of niemand om je geeft, maar dat is niet zo, en niemand die het met je meent, maar bij mij vind je de troost.
niet iedereen is trouw, en het leven is klote, ontwaak uit je nachtmerrie, open nu je ogen.
******************************************************************************
In het donker is het eveneens duister om je heen, maar probeer het licht te zien want je bent niet alleen, het is nog niet donker en het wordt alweer licht, en voor iedereen is er een toekomst in zicht.
Ik ben ik, ik heb makkelijk praten, ja dat denk je, ook ik heb dit allemaal al meegemaakt.
het is zolang niet donker en het wordt alweer licht, grijp al je kansen, hoe diep je er ook inzit.
dinsdag 4 mei 2010
.
Je weet pas wat je hebt wanneer je het kwijt bent.
Je leert dingen pas te waarderen als het er niet meer is.
Alles lijkt for granted, todat je erachter komt dat er niets meer is.
Je weet pas dat het het waard was om voor te vechten, totdat je hebt verloren.
Je weet pas wat je mist wanneer het echt weg is.
Je leert dingen pas te waarderen als het er niet meer is.
Alles lijkt for granted, todat je erachter komt dat er niets meer is.
Je weet pas dat het het waard was om voor te vechten, totdat je hebt verloren.
Je weet pas wat je mist wanneer het echt weg is.
maandag 3 mei 2010
zondag 2 mei 2010
donderdag 29 april 2010
blind
Why are you so fucking blind to everything? why dont you just open your eyes for once, and see what's around you. And dont just see how youve seen all the time, see through it all, see what is behind it all, and maybe then, just maybe, you will learn.
Only fear death
They wanna bury me, I'm worried -- I'm losin my mind
Look down the barrel of my nine and my vision's blurry
Fallin to pieces, am I guilty? I pray to the Lord
but he ignores me unfortunately cause I'm guilty
Show me a miracle, I'm hopeless -- I'm chokin off
marijuana smoke, with every toke it's like I'm losin focus
Fallin to sleep while I'm at service, when will I die?
Forever paranoid and nervous because I'm high
Everybody's dyin am I next, who can I trust?
Will they be G's, and they look at me before they bust?
Or will they kill me while I'm sleepin, two to the head
while I'm in bed, leakin blood on my satin sheets
I'm under pressure gettin drunk, somebody help me
I drink a fifth of Hennesey I don't think it's healthy
I see my enemies they creepin, don't make me blast
I pray to God I don't scream when it's time to fry
Nowhere to rest I'm losin homies, ain't that a bitch
I put the pistol to my head, and say a prayer
I see visions of me dead, Lord are you there?
Then tell me am I lost cause I'm lonely
I thought I had friends but in the end i'll die lonely
Nowhere to run I'm in terror, and no one cares
A closed casket at my funeral and no one's there
Is there a future for a killer? I change my ways
But still that don't promise me the next day
They wonder if I'm hellbound... well Hell
can't be worse than this, cause I'm in Hell now
Don't make me hurt you I don't want to, but I will
Look down the barrel of my nine and my vision's blurry
Fallin to pieces, am I guilty? I pray to the Lord
but he ignores me unfortunately cause I'm guilty
Show me a miracle, I'm hopeless -- I'm chokin off
marijuana smoke, with every toke it's like I'm losin focus
Fallin to sleep while I'm at service, when will I die?
Forever paranoid and nervous because I'm high
Everybody's dyin am I next, who can I trust?
Will they be G's, and they look at me before they bust?
Or will they kill me while I'm sleepin, two to the head
while I'm in bed, leakin blood on my satin sheets
I'm under pressure gettin drunk, somebody help me
I drink a fifth of Hennesey I don't think it's healthy
I see my enemies they creepin, don't make me blast
I pray to God I don't scream when it's time to fry
Nowhere to rest I'm losin homies, ain't that a bitch
I put the pistol to my head, and say a prayer
I see visions of me dead, Lord are you there?
Then tell me am I lost cause I'm lonely
I thought I had friends but in the end i'll die lonely
Nowhere to run I'm in terror, and no one cares
A closed casket at my funeral and no one's there
Is there a future for a killer? I change my ways
But still that don't promise me the next day
They wonder if I'm hellbound... well Hell
can't be worse than this, cause I'm in Hell now
Don't make me hurt you I don't want to, but I will
zondag 4 april 2010
nobody
*Knock-knock*
"Who's there?"
"Me.. Do you remember me? The boy that had never loved or been loved before. The boy that only knew hate in his life. The boy that had this load on his prawny shoulders, which won't last. The boy that only trusted hisself, and always had his third eye fixated on the ones that mentioned they were worthy of trust. The boy that has been betrayed more times then not. The boy that never wanted to live. The boy that only had wishes to have as his own. The boy that never truly lived, but only in his fantasies. The boy that cherishes his dreams, for they are his escape. The boy that never took advice. The boy that never read a word, but only read the hand that wrote it. The boy that never looked, but only saw. The boy that saw through everything, and had hard times believing what he saw. The boy that could only see lies and betreyal, but never saw the good. The boy that knew deep in his heart that he never was truly fully human. The boy that was always fighting demons atleast three times the size of him. The boy that had bend so many times, and almost broke to many times, but never fully broke. The boy that had always been underappreciated for his deeds, and underappreciated for his words. The boy that always thought he could have the world, failing to see the world was taking him. The boy that could never take his loss, and only lost and always failed to win. The boy that knew too much for his own good, and saw that it will be his undoing. The boy that hardly had thoughts of his own. The boy which mind was controlled by many, but he wasn't part of the many. The boy that never wanted to grow up, for he knew way too well what that meant. The boy that will always be a kid, but never was one. The boy that saw past, present and future as one, but got lost in it. The boy that always hoped there was an easy way out..."
"O boy, how much i long to hold you one more time, and to tell you it will all be allright, that it was never your fault, and that you should stop blaming yourself."
"For these tears i am crying, are only for you."
"Kid, i still love you..."
"Who's there?"
"Me.. Do you remember me? The boy that had never loved or been loved before. The boy that only knew hate in his life. The boy that had this load on his prawny shoulders, which won't last. The boy that only trusted hisself, and always had his third eye fixated on the ones that mentioned they were worthy of trust. The boy that has been betrayed more times then not. The boy that never wanted to live. The boy that only had wishes to have as his own. The boy that never truly lived, but only in his fantasies. The boy that cherishes his dreams, for they are his escape. The boy that never took advice. The boy that never read a word, but only read the hand that wrote it. The boy that never looked, but only saw. The boy that saw through everything, and had hard times believing what he saw. The boy that could only see lies and betreyal, but never saw the good. The boy that knew deep in his heart that he never was truly fully human. The boy that was always fighting demons atleast three times the size of him. The boy that had bend so many times, and almost broke to many times, but never fully broke. The boy that had always been underappreciated for his deeds, and underappreciated for his words. The boy that always thought he could have the world, failing to see the world was taking him. The boy that could never take his loss, and only lost and always failed to win. The boy that knew too much for his own good, and saw that it will be his undoing. The boy that hardly had thoughts of his own. The boy which mind was controlled by many, but he wasn't part of the many. The boy that never wanted to grow up, for he knew way too well what that meant. The boy that will always be a kid, but never was one. The boy that saw past, present and future as one, but got lost in it. The boy that always hoped there was an easy way out..."
"O boy, how much i long to hold you one more time, and to tell you it will all be allright, that it was never your fault, and that you should stop blaming yourself."
"For these tears i am crying, are only for you."
"Kid, i still love you..."
zaterdag 3 april 2010
Denk
Woorden zelf zijn makkelijk geschreven, en hebben geen gevoel
het schrijven zelf geeft het gevoel en de betekenis.
het schrijven zelf geeft het gevoel en de betekenis.
donderdag 25 maart 2010
niks liever
niks liever dan met jou zijn, een toekomst met jou opbouwen, en elke nacht naast jou in slaap vallen, elke ochtend jou zien...
ik mis jou...
ik mis jou...
vrijdag 19 maart 2010
dinsdag 16 maart 2010
maandag 15 maart 2010
Funny
Is the basis for a good relationship to tell eachother everything?
Or is it to not tell certain things out of respect?
funny thing.
Or is it to not tell certain things out of respect?
funny thing.
dinsdag 2 maart 2010
hmm
i would love to tell you what i am,
but all i do is talk about who i am.
'if you talk, make sure it is wiser then your silence'
i..am.. completely lost.
but all i do is talk about who i am.
'if you talk, make sure it is wiser then your silence'
i..am.. completely lost.
zondag 28 februari 2010
satisfied
I wish i could get you satisfied.. to see you shine your utmost every second, without exceptions.. but it seems.. i can't do everything..
this feeling of helplessness.. i hate it.. mustve been 1 of the reasons i gave it all up.
i hate this, but i just have to deal with it... once again.
this feeling of helplessness.. i hate it.. mustve been 1 of the reasons i gave it all up.
i hate this, but i just have to deal with it... once again.
see
Seeing is believing,
Believing is seeing.
Heed these words youngster,
For you might end up believing that you see,
without seeing that you believe.
Believing is seeing.
Heed these words youngster,
For you might end up believing that you see,
without seeing that you believe.
vrijdag 19 februari 2010
Q and A
Don't blame the speaker when you are not getting the answer you need,
you are just asking the wrong questions.
''Always look at yourself before looking at others''
you are just asking the wrong questions.
''Always look at yourself before looking at others''
donderdag 18 februari 2010
dinsdag 16 februari 2010
Kongming
The star that dropped last night upon his camp,
Announced to all: ''The master fell this day.''
No longer from his tent will orders flow;
The Hall of Fame will honor his succes.
The host in his mind's eye denied their day.
Nor, in the green woods, clear and sunlit,
Will Kongming's fine-voiced chants be heard again.
Mortality, the law all flesh obeys..
Announced to all: ''The master fell this day.''
No longer from his tent will orders flow;
The Hall of Fame will honor his succes.
The host in his mind's eye denied their day.
Nor, in the green woods, clear and sunlit,
Will Kongming's fine-voiced chants be heard again.
Mortality, the law all flesh obeys..
dinsdag 9 februari 2010
pac
A place to spend my quiet nights, time to unwind
So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times
I once contemplated suicide, and woulda tried
But when I held that 9, all I could see was my momma's eyes
No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble
Not knowin it's hard to carry on when no one loves you
Picture me inside the misery of poverty
No man alive has ever witnessed struggles I survived
Prayin hard for better days, promise to hold on
is there a way for me to change?
Or am I just a victim of things I did to maintain?
So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times
I once contemplated suicide, and woulda tried
But when I held that 9, all I could see was my momma's eyes
No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble
Not knowin it's hard to carry on when no one loves you
Picture me inside the misery of poverty
No man alive has ever witnessed struggles I survived
Prayin hard for better days, promise to hold on
is there a way for me to change?
Or am I just a victim of things I did to maintain?
zondag 7 februari 2010
2pac
Perhaps I was blind to the facts, stabbed in the back
I couldn't trust my own homies just a bunch a dirty rats
Will I, succeed, paranoid from the weed
And hocus pocus try to focus but I can't see
And in my mind I'ma blind man doin time
Look to my future cause my past, is all behind me
Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?
Everybody's dyin tell me what's the use of tryin
I've been Trapped since birth, cautious, cause I'm cursed
I couldn't trust my own homies just a bunch a dirty rats
Will I, succeed, paranoid from the weed
And hocus pocus try to focus but I can't see
And in my mind I'ma blind man doin time
Look to my future cause my past, is all behind me
Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?
Everybody's dyin tell me what's the use of tryin
I've been Trapped since birth, cautious, cause I'm cursed
sigh
Why does this shit allways happens to me?
Why do i always have to refrain myself from doing the wrong things.
why does temptation allways knocks on my door, and why do i have no lock on it?
i dont know what this shit it, or what fate wants from me, but this is some fucked up shit.
Fate hates me, of that i am certain, and if there is a God, he disgraces me in every way possible. There is no wrong or right i keep telling myself, but the fuck, i am as wrong as wrong can be.
i have no idea how i made till my 18th birthday, cause i am certain, i shouldve been dead before that. i've seen it, i've heared it, i've felt it.
yet, i am still here, not a lot of i, but there is still something kicking.
i have no idea what to do, who to confront with what, and what i should do next.
all i know is: i am completely fucked...
dear god... why cant you leave me alone for a sec? why do always have to fuck me over, and pulling myself to hell? why cant i live for a second or two, and have nothing to worry about? o god.. if there is a god, i will fight you, and i will take your throne, and most importantly, i will do to you, what you did to me, cause i said, there is nothing worse than this cursed ass hopeless life.
i am not waiting when i will die, cause i am sure, someone or something, will come pick me up soon, and i will be confronted with me own self...
i hate this.... how did i become so evil? why am i chosen to be this? why couldnt it be someone else? why do i have to carry this fucking load with me? i want to drop it.. and i want to drop it now...
but i cant.. since i have it to drop it on someone else..
dunno why i am writing this while im intoxicated.. but i am, so there must be some reason.
you might believe in nothing, but i know signs, and i know how to read them, someday, ill teach you all i know, right before i used my last breath on teaching you.. just because.. you are worth spending my last breath on.. my very last effort, will be put into you..
this shit is so fucked, there is no fucking way out, i am who i am, and i fucking hate the pityfull fuck i am, i aint worth shit, and shit aint worth me, i have no fucking escape, and no sideroad to take, in the end, ill get fucked, and wont make it long. may the world remember who i once was, and not see the hatred in my eyes of now...
i am fucking dying, slowly but surely, the fuck i am to do? there is no fucking hope left, there is no fucking way out, i got set into this mindset, and as of know, i know too much to ever change back to the ignorant fool i once was...
how i miss my old me..me.. who could do the right thing.. even though not will full understanding, i knew what to do and when..
but now.. i am just a miserable fuck, that has no meaning to breath on..
i dont even know why i write this shit, im hopeless anyway...
either way, say your goodbyes, since i wont last long, cause there is no way out of this mindset, ive put my life on hold, and people keep pressing play, and i dont want to play anymore.. i want to stay like this, not going further, not going backwards.. just stay here.. in this meaningless nothing.. dear fate.. release me of this pain... this pain that is having a grip on my soul, and just keeps squeezing, like i have not have enough to live through as of now..
Life is about choise they say, but what if you cant choose? what if both ways are the same? what if there is no choise to keep you without regret, and keeping you satisfied?
dear fate... give me some way out of this, cause i am not lasting longer, and i have too.. i need too... there is no other choise, but to give up living for myself once more, and just live on.. just for her..
dear fate.. give me some way out.. reset my mind.. let me forget my knowledge, forgive my flaws, and forget my wrongs.. cause i've been stupid, and i need this.. since if i cant redo my life, there is little life left inside of me..
i dont know anymore.. i wish i knew, but i dont, i am drunk as fuck, and just typing to type.. i dont know what it is, but i need some relieve..
what i really need is: not to breath, not to make my hearth beat, and not to keep on going..
this shitty life isnt what i wanted, i wanted happiness, without sorrow, and definatly without regret, but what did i get? i only got sorrow, and a hellish pain to deal with. having to deal with the knowledge i have.. there is nothing worse.. if only i could share it.. if only i could copy my knowledge into someone else, and forget it all, and just die.. happily, and fly... just fly.. it is all i ever wanted.. just to fly..to be free of choise.. to be free of human kind..
i will have to stop now, whoever reads this, and knows where i am talking about, i am sorry for what i have done, and for what i will do
Do not hate the messenger, hate the message....
i love you.... but is it enough?
Why do i always have to refrain myself from doing the wrong things.
why does temptation allways knocks on my door, and why do i have no lock on it?
i dont know what this shit it, or what fate wants from me, but this is some fucked up shit.
Fate hates me, of that i am certain, and if there is a God, he disgraces me in every way possible. There is no wrong or right i keep telling myself, but the fuck, i am as wrong as wrong can be.
i have no idea how i made till my 18th birthday, cause i am certain, i shouldve been dead before that. i've seen it, i've heared it, i've felt it.
yet, i am still here, not a lot of i, but there is still something kicking.
i have no idea what to do, who to confront with what, and what i should do next.
all i know is: i am completely fucked...
dear god... why cant you leave me alone for a sec? why do always have to fuck me over, and pulling myself to hell? why cant i live for a second or two, and have nothing to worry about? o god.. if there is a god, i will fight you, and i will take your throne, and most importantly, i will do to you, what you did to me, cause i said, there is nothing worse than this cursed ass hopeless life.
i am not waiting when i will die, cause i am sure, someone or something, will come pick me up soon, and i will be confronted with me own self...
i hate this.... how did i become so evil? why am i chosen to be this? why couldnt it be someone else? why do i have to carry this fucking load with me? i want to drop it.. and i want to drop it now...
but i cant.. since i have it to drop it on someone else..
dunno why i am writing this while im intoxicated.. but i am, so there must be some reason.
you might believe in nothing, but i know signs, and i know how to read them, someday, ill teach you all i know, right before i used my last breath on teaching you.. just because.. you are worth spending my last breath on.. my very last effort, will be put into you..
this shit is so fucked, there is no fucking way out, i am who i am, and i fucking hate the pityfull fuck i am, i aint worth shit, and shit aint worth me, i have no fucking escape, and no sideroad to take, in the end, ill get fucked, and wont make it long. may the world remember who i once was, and not see the hatred in my eyes of now...
i am fucking dying, slowly but surely, the fuck i am to do? there is no fucking hope left, there is no fucking way out, i got set into this mindset, and as of know, i know too much to ever change back to the ignorant fool i once was...
how i miss my old me..me.. who could do the right thing.. even though not will full understanding, i knew what to do and when..
but now.. i am just a miserable fuck, that has no meaning to breath on..
i dont even know why i write this shit, im hopeless anyway...
either way, say your goodbyes, since i wont last long, cause there is no way out of this mindset, ive put my life on hold, and people keep pressing play, and i dont want to play anymore.. i want to stay like this, not going further, not going backwards.. just stay here.. in this meaningless nothing.. dear fate.. release me of this pain... this pain that is having a grip on my soul, and just keeps squeezing, like i have not have enough to live through as of now..
Life is about choise they say, but what if you cant choose? what if both ways are the same? what if there is no choise to keep you without regret, and keeping you satisfied?
dear fate... give me some way out of this, cause i am not lasting longer, and i have too.. i need too... there is no other choise, but to give up living for myself once more, and just live on.. just for her..
dear fate.. give me some way out.. reset my mind.. let me forget my knowledge, forgive my flaws, and forget my wrongs.. cause i've been stupid, and i need this.. since if i cant redo my life, there is little life left inside of me..
i dont know anymore.. i wish i knew, but i dont, i am drunk as fuck, and just typing to type.. i dont know what it is, but i need some relieve..
what i really need is: not to breath, not to make my hearth beat, and not to keep on going..
this shitty life isnt what i wanted, i wanted happiness, without sorrow, and definatly without regret, but what did i get? i only got sorrow, and a hellish pain to deal with. having to deal with the knowledge i have.. there is nothing worse.. if only i could share it.. if only i could copy my knowledge into someone else, and forget it all, and just die.. happily, and fly... just fly.. it is all i ever wanted.. just to fly..to be free of choise.. to be free of human kind..
i will have to stop now, whoever reads this, and knows where i am talking about, i am sorry for what i have done, and for what i will do
Do not hate the messenger, hate the message....
i love you.... but is it enough?
.
Send me to hell,
aint nothing worse then this cursed ass hopeless life.
1 day, it will al go wrong, and no one to bear with me then,
nothing will live through my wrath, atleast,
that is what i hope...
it will go wrong 1 day, the question is: which?
i love you... you know it..
aint nothing worse then this cursed ass hopeless life.
1 day, it will al go wrong, and no one to bear with me then,
nothing will live through my wrath, atleast,
that is what i hope...
it will go wrong 1 day, the question is: which?
i love you... you know it..
maandag 1 februari 2010
futility
Seems it doesn't really mather what i say or do, neither of the 2 seem to be reaching goal. Do i shoot so poorly, or is the target dodging?
I truly am trying the best i can, but it seems it is not enough. Think i should just back off a little, and let the target crawl to me, bit harsh, but it's a last resort.
So many things that still need change, and so little will to change it seems.
Maybe if i was something more, a somebody, a bit better, my efforts would be noticed, but i can wish all i want, an ignore is what i get. And that is breaking me apart, allthough there is little left to break but the dust that is shattering.
Seems i should beg on my knees for better treatment, see if i'm being noticed then.
But no, i dont beg, i cant beg, i wont beg, it might be worth it, but the pride is troubling the mind.
nothing left to say that needs to be said, whatever has not been said, is better left unsaid...
I truly am trying the best i can, but it seems it is not enough. Think i should just back off a little, and let the target crawl to me, bit harsh, but it's a last resort.
So many things that still need change, and so little will to change it seems.
Maybe if i was something more, a somebody, a bit better, my efforts would be noticed, but i can wish all i want, an ignore is what i get. And that is breaking me apart, allthough there is little left to break but the dust that is shattering.
Seems i should beg on my knees for better treatment, see if i'm being noticed then.
But no, i dont beg, i cant beg, i wont beg, it might be worth it, but the pride is troubling the mind.
nothing left to say that needs to be said, whatever has not been said, is better left unsaid...
..
Seems i am running out of options, while i had so many a while ago. door after door closes, and none re-open.
I could force a few open, but i'm not like that, i'd rather stare and wait..and wait... wait...
It was all so clear once, the past, the present and the future were mine, but my vision is so blurry now, as like none of those 3 ever existed, and me neither.
I have a few options left, before i'll get jammed and cease to move on, but those options... i cant be sure if i like any of them, from time to time 1 option stand out, but in a blink of an eye that clearity is gone, and i'm back in my foggy mindset.
I wonder if there even is a way out of this, shrug this cold off, and bath in warmth.
Drop this worldlike weight of my chest and breath once more, pushing my mind of my shoulders, and relearn thoughts, remake my body, and move again, take these icy fingers of my heart, and make it beat once more.
Refind the will to live, and live a life...
I can't really say i'm not content, but i am very certain nobody shares that thought with me. I'm alone, but definatly not lonely... would be nice for once....
Maybe im overdue, and just lengthening my time with all means necessary, buying time, with nothing to trade in return.
So, it's true, there is not much left to do but to live the life others expect of me. Anyhow, happiness is hard to find when youre not eagerly looking for it.
this little voice keeps telling me to run, rebuild it all, redo my strategy, and try all over again... but that door has already been shut, but might be the only door i would be willing to force open. But the consequences, i don't think they really outweigh the benefits, no wait, i am certain it will not outweigh...
Honestly, the exit light is starting to flicker.
i'm starting to lose my sense of hearing, my eyes aren't what they used to be, my nose isn't picking up the same scents as before, and my body is starting to get numb, vital signs start to weaken, and the mind is starting to fade away...
If there was a way out of this mindset, i shouldve found it by now, but all i have is a piece of the clouds, and the memory of my past dreams, but not a thing of what i have can break me free.
Giving up seems not to be the option, that door is always open, or better yet, there is no door, just an open portal.
Seems i am stuck fighting myself to the dead, with no option of ceasing the fight, and i just have to keep going..and going..going... till there is nothing left to go for.
Seems i will have to wait and see what happens next... mhm.. seems life truly does follow circles.
Wish i could say: i hope things will get better soon, but i already have abonded hope, next is yours.
Karma truly is a bitch...
I could force a few open, but i'm not like that, i'd rather stare and wait..and wait... wait...
It was all so clear once, the past, the present and the future were mine, but my vision is so blurry now, as like none of those 3 ever existed, and me neither.
I have a few options left, before i'll get jammed and cease to move on, but those options... i cant be sure if i like any of them, from time to time 1 option stand out, but in a blink of an eye that clearity is gone, and i'm back in my foggy mindset.
I wonder if there even is a way out of this, shrug this cold off, and bath in warmth.
Drop this worldlike weight of my chest and breath once more, pushing my mind of my shoulders, and relearn thoughts, remake my body, and move again, take these icy fingers of my heart, and make it beat once more.
Refind the will to live, and live a life...
I can't really say i'm not content, but i am very certain nobody shares that thought with me. I'm alone, but definatly not lonely... would be nice for once....
Maybe im overdue, and just lengthening my time with all means necessary, buying time, with nothing to trade in return.
So, it's true, there is not much left to do but to live the life others expect of me. Anyhow, happiness is hard to find when youre not eagerly looking for it.
this little voice keeps telling me to run, rebuild it all, redo my strategy, and try all over again... but that door has already been shut, but might be the only door i would be willing to force open. But the consequences, i don't think they really outweigh the benefits, no wait, i am certain it will not outweigh...
Honestly, the exit light is starting to flicker.
i'm starting to lose my sense of hearing, my eyes aren't what they used to be, my nose isn't picking up the same scents as before, and my body is starting to get numb, vital signs start to weaken, and the mind is starting to fade away...
If there was a way out of this mindset, i shouldve found it by now, but all i have is a piece of the clouds, and the memory of my past dreams, but not a thing of what i have can break me free.
Giving up seems not to be the option, that door is always open, or better yet, there is no door, just an open portal.
Seems i am stuck fighting myself to the dead, with no option of ceasing the fight, and i just have to keep going..and going..going... till there is nothing left to go for.
Seems i will have to wait and see what happens next... mhm.. seems life truly does follow circles.
Wish i could say: i hope things will get better soon, but i already have abonded hope, next is yours.
Karma truly is a bitch...
zondag 3 januari 2010
Devour
I live of other people's emotions. Without emotions to feed on, i am dead, as dead as the people 6 feet under, difference is, my heart beats, maybe not a certain beating but it still is beating, and i still breath, which i forget to do now and then.
i devour emotions, suck m dry till there is nothing left, and leave behind a pile of old, empty alive corpses.
If there was a way to change back into the human i once was i would, but i know to much now, there is no going back, only going forward, keep on walking into the abyys i went to dig years ago, and still am. This dark cold abyss will be my undoing, but i am content with that. I can not live the lives all of you do, i would rather commit suicide than become a slave. My pride is too big for that, way way way too big.
my body is heated, but my soul is cold, ice and icecold, i can't give a fuck about you people, i'll be satisfied when you all are rotting away 6 feet under, and i will be there to spit on your graves fucking bastards.
If i had 1 wish, it would be to let all of you die, cleanse this world of you rotten species, and i will smile while doing so, an honest smile.
Fuck all you bitches, say what you want, think what you want, but i will be the last one left.
Moogle
i devour emotions, suck m dry till there is nothing left, and leave behind a pile of old, empty alive corpses.
If there was a way to change back into the human i once was i would, but i know to much now, there is no going back, only going forward, keep on walking into the abyys i went to dig years ago, and still am. This dark cold abyss will be my undoing, but i am content with that. I can not live the lives all of you do, i would rather commit suicide than become a slave. My pride is too big for that, way way way too big.
my body is heated, but my soul is cold, ice and icecold, i can't give a fuck about you people, i'll be satisfied when you all are rotting away 6 feet under, and i will be there to spit on your graves fucking bastards.
If i had 1 wish, it would be to let all of you die, cleanse this world of you rotten species, and i will smile while doing so, an honest smile.
Fuck all you bitches, say what you want, think what you want, but i will be the last one left.
Moogle
vrijdag 1 januari 2010
Love
I found my true love, of that i am certain. The way she looks, touches, is... not even my imagination could top a woman like that. I'll stick with her till my lasst breath.
i've felt something tonight, and it was love, love so pure i could hardly grasp she was here with me.
For you, I love you, as much as i possibly can, and i will not stop doing so.
You are my one and only, and nobody can change that mindset.
My mind is only doing 1 thing nowadays, and that is screaming: I LOVE YOU!
you might not hear it, but it is there, and i can't hear anything else anymore.
i've felt something tonight, and it was love, love so pure i could hardly grasp she was here with me.
For you, I love you, as much as i possibly can, and i will not stop doing so.
You are my one and only, and nobody can change that mindset.
My mind is only doing 1 thing nowadays, and that is screaming: I LOVE YOU!
you might not hear it, but it is there, and i can't hear anything else anymore.
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